13.07.04 - 12:29

Definition: Homesickness

1. missing home, its people and objects and smells. its lazy familiarity. its support. wanting to eat a certain dish, have a certain conversation face-to-face with a certain someone, listen to the sounds of a certain street, pet a certain dog, wake up and live a certain way. a feeling of nostalgia mixed with melancholia.

2. a severe bout of nausea and mental agony at the thought that one might never see home again. one is trapped here, in this foreign and forbidding place. one could die here, might die here of its strangeness and sickness. or home, that far-off shangri-la, may disappear in one's absence - the cities swallowed by terrorism, loved ones succumbing to cancer, dogs smashed by apathetic cars, and all of it in such chaos that nothing will be recognizable anymore.

3. a sense of confusion, as one is not sure what one longs for. the former "home" is too long ago and far away to truly remain "home," but this new place is still not familiar or comfortable. where does one fit? a sudden fear that when one returns to the place one has left, one will be so changed by experiences in *this* place that one will no longer belong *there.* does one even have a true home for which to be sick?

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