27.07.05 - 20:14

My name is Thomas Dean Nordlum and I live in Rosso. Molly took my arms and pulled me off the chair I was sitting in and told me to write an entry. Well, what can I write? Well, I just returned from a six week voyage around Mauritania. I meant to stop in Ndioum, Senegal on my way back, to meet some of the new people over there, but to no avail. You are all in North America at the moment, perhaps? For me, traveling lately has reminded me of the things running through my head one year ago when I came here and what I wanted to do. The people in my region are really peculiar in the dynamic of our relationship, soon they'll all be gone, in my region, with a slew of new people that I'm oddly really looking forward to seeing. But my trip to Algeria is fast approaching, because of the complete lack of travel literature to that country, I have no idea what I'll do. I'll base what I know of the place from novels that I've read. Mostly I hope to meet people and do my novice anthropological information gathering (that sounds silly).

Wow, I really don't like the tone of this thing I'm writing. It feels impersonal and distant, not my style at all. It must be because of the situation I am in now. Well, you will have to forgive me, take my word that there is more to me even if my letter lacks life. Hmmmmm . . .at the moment the rains have arrived and I am surrounded by cesspools and as you know or may not know, it's so hot that my body is constantly drenched with sweat. It must be so pleasantly cool and beautiful in places like Maine or New Brunswick. I've been craving beauty since ages - green! I've been told Guinea is amazing. But how I spend my days is finding ways to pursue happiness and be as close to a free person as I can be. I wonder what you all do to fill your days and not fall into a lethargic rut? Idleness is the worst thing for me here, the next being the inability to make real friends, at least for me. Sometimes I need so much to be myself or else I'd explode.

I really don't know what I could say about my inner fears, it's such a general and vague topic, what would anyone say? Well, I often wonder what is going to happen to me because I'm such a weirdo. I mean, we're all different, I realize that, but the reality of things around me is that most people fit enough into conventional social patterns that they can live their lives without having to fight constantly. And for me, I feel that I am going to have to fight for the rest of my life. I know that everyone, in a sense, will fight until their lives are over, but what I'm talking about is my inability to fit into any kind of group and always feeling a bit on-edge and maybe even a little afraid that there's nothing special to me, because I've always held this belief that even thought it seemed everyone around me hated me, I still had some kind of inexplanable virtue in me. But especially after living in Mauritania, I feel like there's really nothing to me. It's been really humbling for me, being in Peace Corps, even though I don't think very highly of most of my colleagues.

the delights of Mauritania are few and far between, but one thing that I have had here that I wouldn't have had other places is so much time to reflect. Even though I still feel at odds with everything, I also feel that I've been able to put to sleep a lot of things that had been bothering me over the years. Sometimes when I ride on the roof of the big white van back to my village, I feel really alive with the wind in my face.

In a care package, I would love prunes and the candy DOTS, tropical flavor. Okay, we are in a hurry to get to the place where we're going to eat supper.

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